Monday, September 29, 2008

Funny Bailout Plan

Dear Wall Street, here's your NEW bailout plan
1) We are willing to loan you money at a very low, introductory rate of 8.9%. If you are even one nanosecond late on your payment, your rate will go from 8.9% to 32.9% instantly. You will have no right to appeal this. The interest rate increase will be retroactive. None of this "but I mailed it out Friday" nonsense. We must get it, and the check must clear, for your payment to count. A reminder: transactions that occur after 2pm are not credited until the next business day, so be sure to make your payments before then...

3) We will send you onerous terms and conditions 148,000,000 pages long in 6 point font. Of course, those terms can change on a whim, at any time, so we'll be sending you hourly updates to the contract, which we expect you to read and keep up with. Sorry, we will be the only ones that can amend the contract; you cannot.

4) You will have a predetermined credit line, and if you go over it by even $1, your interest rate will spike to 54.9%. Sorry, it's in the contract on page 109,209,392.

There is something to be said for trying to make Wall Street pay. But since our lives are all mixed up in the US Financial Market whether we know it or not, we will pay also.
We currently have a Home Equity Loan for our remodel that has been approved and was due to be funded last Friday. Wells Fargo cannot scrape up the liquidity to fund it yet! I have the e-mail saying it was funded as of Friday. But it is not funded. They are working on it, sweeping the nickels off the floor.

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